Who Am I? – My Journey to Discover Self

Childlike Innocent Curiosity

It is great to be a woman. It is great to be a woman over 40. I find it awesome!

For the first time ever I feel I can really, truly and honestly be myself. Just be me, my real self! For the first time ever I feel free from any obligation to anyone else. I don’t need to fulfill anybody’s expectations from me, I don’t need to fit to anyone’s else beliefs of who I should or shouldn’t be, what I should or shouldn’t do and what I should or shouldn’t have. And of course I don’t even need to look like someone else wants me to look! (I wonder why my mum came into my mind when I think about this one? Oh well, Thanks mum!)

I had lived for too long time with unconscious obligation to be someone else. To replace someone who was lost too soon. For all that time I was fighting against it not even knowing what I was fighting against. Now I know the cause and I stopped fighting. I made a choice to go within and explore who I really am.

I really enjoy my inner journey to self discovery. Who Am I? I ask the question often and I wait for the answer openly.

Who Am I? “Curiosity” was the first answer I got. “An Innocent Curiosity”, said the voice again.

Wow! I am a curiosity! That’s awesome!

My mind goes back in time. Yes, I always was a curious child; I remember that. But I lost it somewhere!

The next memory that shows up in my mind is the voice saying: “Don’t be curious, you will get old too quickly!”
Well, it doesn’t make any sense to me now but it is quite a common saying, actually, a rhyme, in my own language and someone was saying that to me quite often. “Nebud zvedava, budes brzy stara!” Oh, it sounds scary for a child! Of course, it did sound scary to me as a child. I didn’t want to get old too soon! If curiosity makes me to get old, I better won’t be! Logic, isn’t it? And so as a child, I have shut down my natural curiosity, the natural flow of my source.

Who was it? Who was saying that to me? I hear the voice so clearly but I can’t recall whose voice is it.

It doesn’t matter anymore. I did get the learning that I needed. My core essence is an innocent curiosity and it is still there. It is still the natural Me even though I thought I lost it on the way. And it’s great! Childlike innocent curiosity, wow, I like it!

Oh gosh! I am so happy that I know now!

So I celebrate my curious nature, I embrace my curiosity as a life force, as a core of everything I am and everything I do.

I am an innocent curiosity, I am a seeker, I am an open minded being, I am courage, I am a wonder, I am a traveller, I am a student of life, I like to explore new things, places, knowledge, I like mysteries, I am curious!

Who Are You, amazing, wonderful, ladies?

With my heart wide open,

Karolina Maya

My Moments of Bliss

Kissed by a seal

I had my regular dance lesson yesterday. I always enjoy my dance lessons but yesterday, something special happened. I felt a moment of pure bliss.

We were practicing samba. There was nobody else on the floor, just me and my teacher. One of the normal lessons and yet, there was a moment when everything came together in amazing profound feeling of bliss. I felt so connected with my own heart through the movement and music that I felt pure love and joy and bliss. It burst into my heart as an injection of ecstatic and yet peaceful energy and warmth. And it felt awesome!

This is it. These are the moments of the truth. These are the moments I feel connected with who I really am. This is why I dance!

I felt very grateful for the moment so I went back in my mind and asked myself:

When did I feel like that before? And I made my list of bliss.

When I watched sleeping angelic faces of my baby boys – and there was pure love

When I saw Maurice Bejart ballet dancing Maurice Ravel’s Bolero – and there was a sense of inner flow with the music and movement

When I first felt a  sense of liberation and freedom during the Velvet Revolution – and there was a faith in free future

When I watched Humpback whales jumping and playing in the ocean – and there was pure joy

When a seal looked into my eyes while swimming together in the pool – and there was a deep connection

When the view of Machu Picchu opened in front of me for the first time and my heart burst into tears – and there was awakening

When I let my body floating in Amazon River with pink dolphins around – and there was stillness and peace

When I listen to Dvorak’s Largo from From the New World symphony – and there is grace

and much more…

When do You feel bliss and are you aware of it? You are welcome to share. I will love to hear from you.

With love

Karolina Maya

Hey Ladies, Feeling is Good!

Water Ceremony – Temple of the Water – Peru

Hi there, gorgeous ladies over 40. How are you feeling?

Let’s have a chat. I would love to share my thoughts with you and know your opinion. So, have a break, sit down and relax. It’s time to connect. It’s time to connect with Your Self.

How are you feeling in your body? Calm, happy, joyous, and peaceful? Or do you feel the stress of busy, busy, busyness? Well, it even may be that you do not feel anything at all right now. It can be that your mind is so full of different sorts of thoughts that you forgot how the feeling actually feels. OK. That happens. It’s good to be aware of it. Just take a deep breath and relax.

I want to talk about feeling wise.  That’s how I feel today.  Yes, I am feeling wise and I didn’t even know it was a feeling before! It did’n make too much sense first and so the curious me decided to explore it more.

Am I wise? Am I a wise woman? I say it loudly: “I am a wise woman!“ Well, honestly, I feel quite mixed emotions saying that loudly to myself.  And yet, somewhere deep within I am sure that I have gathered wisdom that I am here to share. And yet, that critical voice in my head says ironically ‘yeh, sure, who do you think you are?’ And my real mind goes: “Where did I hear that before?“ “Who used to say that to me?” Yes, there is a doubt in me if I can dare to say  ‘I am wise’. There is even a shame of all the moments in my life when I did not behave wise at all! And yes, there were quite a lot of them! Oh dear! And yes, fear of others people’s judgment showed up as well. What will they think about me?

And yet, deep inside I know I carry wisdom. Wisdom of all my women ancestors and of course my own wisdom that was born in my own tears and laughter, pain and ecstasy, falls and rises, fear and love.

I don’t know who’s voice was it in my head. Who was the one who did not believe in me? I don’t know. I didn’t get the answer. And it does not matter anymore. I know now that it was not me. I only allowed someone’s else belief to limit my life till now. Not anymore. I am choosing to connect with my wisdom within.

Yes, I am a wise women and I dare to say it!

And you, my dear sister in womanhood, you are a wise woman too! Connect with your wisdom and embrace it.

I am grateful for my feeling and for what they communicate to me. Yes, feeling is good!

What did your feeling show you lately? What did you learn about yourself from your feeling? Share. Inspire. Encourage.

Karolina Maya – Career Alchemy for Women