Where Are All the Real Men? Is Chivalry Dead?

Liam Neeson – Real Man & Gentleman

I was on the morning bus to the city yesterday. It was one of those fully packed buses, where people have to stand in the isle as well. Normally I don’t mind to stand in the isle. It’s just about 15 minutes to get to the city and I quite enjoy observing people or just being with my own morning thoughts.

But this time it was different.  The bus driver had one foot on speed, one on break, which made us, standing in the isle, fighting for stability and hanging on anything stable we could.

Yes, you guess it right. There were only women, struggling to stay on their feet, while men occupied all the isle seats. All young and middle-aged men, sitting comfortably on their seats, heads down, most of them playing games on their iPhones.

What a picture! Just imagine that! Men sitting comfortably and playing their morning games, and women above them, trying to not fall down on the isle floor.  Is it a common picture nowadays?

I don’t know where all the real men, the gentlemen are. But it looks like they don’t travel by bus.

Have all the men even noticed that? And if so, what was going on in their heads? I don’t know, that’s their business. I know what was going on in my head.

I reminded myself of times when I was commuting to school. Almost an hour each way, every day. At those times there were manners that were followed. One of the basic rules of the etiquette was to offer a seat to an older person and a woman. And it was followed!

So what happened? What has changed? Have ‘equal gender opportunities’ killed the good manners towards women? I hope not. I still want to be treated as a woman. And for me a real man is a gentleman, well-mannered man. For me chivalry is still something I highly value in men.

If I want something, I should better to ask for it, right? And the truth is that I haven’t.

So next time if situation like this occurs, I will ask the man to be a gentleman. Will see what happens! I will share, I promise!

So ladies, out there, if chivalry is something you want from men, if chivalry is something you value, join me. Start asking for it! And share your experience.

Cheers for now,

Karolina

Check my latest career blog  and feel free to share on our newly launched Facebook  community Career Alchemy for Women

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Criticism and Judgment or Fun and Joy – Time to Choose

My Solo Routine – Tango

I love dancing! I joined a social dance club about two years ago and I enjoy every moment of dancing ever since.  I like learning new steps and patterns, waltzing on the dance floor with my teacher, letting my body flow with the music; I love the whole package.

And even though I enjoy it so much it can be quite a challenge time to time. I have observed that I feel totally out of my comfort zone when I am dancing in front of the others. Well, there is always someone else on the dance floor or sitting around and that’s all right. What challenges me though is performing in front of the others. Yes, I dance as if nobody’s watching when nobody’s watching but as soon as it becomes formal and I am observed, my knees melt down and my heart beats like crazy; right in my throat.

Why? Why? Why? It’s just dancing! And it’s for fun! I dance for myself only and I don’t really mind what the others think of my dancing! Yes, right; so why am I shaking?

Well, the truth is that whatever I say to my mind doesn’t stop my body shaking.  It reacts instinctively. I want to know why, so I let my feelings to take me back in time. And here it is.

I am back in my early teenage times.  Everything I do is followed by some kind of critical comment. I feel constantly judged. It’s nothing dramatic but it’s there always. Well, in my memories, in my perception, I know. But it’s so real! I still hear the voice, saying in Czech: “No ty máš teda ránu.”  “Nemůžeš se trochu upravit?” “No ty zase vypadáš” or “No tys tomu zase dala”.

It’s my mum’s voice criticizing mostly my appearance. ‘Sorry my dear English speaking ladies. I don’t know how to translate it.’ Well,  maybe you can add some of the critical voices  from your childhood here instead. I am quite certain you have heard some.

Anyway. That’s the past. I am letting go of that now. I am glad I am aware of what’s been holding me back. I am choosing to change it and do it now. ‘Mum, I forgive you, I am sorry, thank you and I love you. I know you didn’t mean it.It’s just the way you were.’

I am letting go of all the criticism and judgment. I am choosing fun and joy. I am choosing to dance as if nobody’s watching even if they are watching!

I know I am not alone in this. Hey ladies, do you let fear of criticism and judgment  stopping you from having fun and joy? Feel free to share.

With love,

Karolina Maya