I love dancing! I joined a social dance club about two years ago and I enjoy every moment of dancing ever since. I like learning new steps and patterns, waltzing on the dance floor with my teacher, letting my body flow with the music; I love the whole package.
And even though I enjoy it so much it can be quite a challenge time to time. I have observed that I feel totally out of my comfort zone when I am dancing in front of the others. Well, there is always someone else on the dance floor or sitting around and that’s all right. What challenges me though is performing in front of the others. Yes, I dance as if nobody’s watching when nobody’s watching but as soon as it becomes formal and I am observed, my knees melt down and my heart beats like crazy; right in my throat.
Why? Why? Why? It’s just dancing! And it’s for fun! I dance for myself only and I don’t really mind what the others think of my dancing! Yes, right; so why am I shaking?
Well, the truth is that whatever I say to my mind doesn’t stop my body shaking. It reacts instinctively. I want to know why, so I let my feelings to take me back in time. And here it is.
I am back in my early teenage times. Everything I do is followed by some kind of critical comment. I feel constantly judged. It’s nothing dramatic but it’s there always. Well, in my memories, in my perception, I know. But it’s so real! I still hear the voice, saying in Czech: “No ty máš teda ránu.” “Nemůžeš se trochu upravit?” “No ty zase vypadáš” or “No tys tomu zase dala”.
It’s my mum’s voice criticizing mostly my appearance. ‘Sorry my dear English speaking ladies. I don’t know how to translate it.’ Well, maybe you can add some of the critical voices from your childhood here instead. I am quite certain you have heard some.
Anyway. That’s the past. I am letting go of that now. I am glad I am aware of what’s been holding me back. I am choosing to change it and do it now. ‘Mum, I forgive you, I am sorry, thank you and I love you. I know you didn’t mean it.It’s just the way you were.’
I know I am not alone in this. Hey ladies, do you let fear of criticism and judgment stopping you from having fun and joy? Feel free to share.