How I Learned to Dream Again

Daydreaming

Daydreaming

I believe in dreams. I believe in their power. They are an inspiration; they serve me as a source of energy when I feel down. They show me a direction when I feel lost. They make me connect with the future, past and present at once. I believe in dreams as they are born from our heart.

Some years ago I did attend a workshop, facilitated by Matt Omo, It  was designed to help us  find our inner artist. It was a time in my life when I felt stuck. I felt a bit trapped in the way I was living my life and I knew I wanted a change. I just didn’t know what that change should look like. I didn’t know what I was searching for but I believed that by finding my inner artist and by tapping into my creativity I find my real self and a higher meaning of life.

One day Matt asked us to go back into our early childhood and remind self of what we wanted to be as children. What were our childhood ‘When I grow up I want to be …’ dreams? I listened to all the other people in the class coming with their amazingly beautiful dreams of being a rock star, ballerina, writer, doctor, singer, mermaid, pilot, … , the list went on and on. I felt the energy in the room while people were shouting their childhood dreams one over the other.

I had nothing. No childhood dream at all. My mind was blank. I was not able to recall anything at all! And it made me feel sad. How comes that I didn’t have any dream as a child?  I was trying hard to remind myself, but… nothing.

‘You were avoiding disappointment.’ – my subconscious mind spoke to me.  ‘What?’ ‘Well, why would you have a dream if you knew it couldn’t come true?’ ‘Don’t you remember that time? Don’t you remember that personal wish, aspirations, plans and  dreams of any sort, didn’t matter?’

I got it.  I have somehow, not knowingly, on a subconscious level, accepted a self defence strategy. Based on the commonly shared experience of the whole generation of my parents I have accepted a belief that made a strangely logic sense. Having dreams means being disappointed and hurt and therefore it’s better not to have any.

Yes, I was growing up in a country where people at the time of my parents didn’t have any choice of what they were going to be or where they were going to live. The whole generation of my parents was often told by the rulers of the country what their lives were going to be. No choices, no dreams. The planned socialistic economy needed them. They served as servants to the state with very limited personal choice.

Suddenly I saw myself growing up within that concept. Now I understand why I never knew what I wanted to be. No dreams, no expectations, no disappointment, no hurt.

I lived in a planned economy; planned society with no personal plans at all. What a mechanical life I lived! I lived from day to day, year by year as everybody else for many years.

And then, 20 years later I was sitting at the workshop trying to remember what I wanted to be as a child. I felt as if I got stolen the birthright to dream! I shared my realization with the class, crying.  I came to the class to connect with my childhood dreams just to find out that I was robbed!

“Who said that you couldn’t start dreaming now? Start to dream now!” I heard Matt, saying. “Just listen to your heart, what it wants now.”

Yes, it’s that simple!

Even though we were quite often hurt as children, not being understood for our dreams: even though that we were even not allowed to dream, we can still live our dreams now! Some of us didn’t have any dreams, some of us were stopped, were not trusted, not supported, not understood, judged, ridiculed, you name it! Whatever the circumstance was, the time for living our dreams is now!

I believe in dreams. I am grateful for this realization, I am grateful for the experience. I now know the value of my dreams. And I learned to dream again.

What was your childhood dream, do you remember? Do you live your dream life now?

Leave your comment to share your dream experience.

Karolina Maya