Dear lover, you came into my life as a wild river. You broke through the closed doors of my heart into my life.
Your waters felt dangerous to me; I sensed my own deep-seated fears of you but I stepped in anyway. It felt so surprisingly tempting. Yes, I had to face my fears. So I stepped in. I stayed for a while, swimming along, open to all my long suppressed feelings; and then I left you. I had to.
You came as a river and went through my space unexpectedly. You run in and I let my body bathing in your waters. I enjoyed it first, it felt so fresh and nurturing and I liked feeling you holding my body. I enjoyed diving into the depth of you, curious, excited, full of joy. And yet, deep inside I knew it was dangerous for me. I knew I could get lost in your waters, changing myself into what you wanted to have from me. Yes, I knew I could get lost my own soul. That’s what I felt since the first time I saw you coming.
So soon your waters became murky. My soul got flooded with dirt and mud that I didn’t see first. I was trying to stay in the fresh clean stream of you but I couldn’t. There was more and more mud showing up right in my face. I couldn’t swim anymore; my body felt tired, I was screaming inside. There were many sharp stones in you that I couldn’t see. They were hurting me. They hit me so many times and you didn’t even notice. I was trying catching my breath and keeping my head up to see the end; to see the bank where I could get out; to rest and turn my face towards the sun again. Yes, this river was not for me.
Dear lover, I wanted to say good-bye and wish you well before I got out and left you. And you didn’t even notice.
Dear lover, thank you.