Hi ladies, Karolina Maya here.
Can you live your dreams through your children? One lady asked me this question replying to one of my blogs. I felt tempted to jump straight into the answer but something has stopped me.
What is the answer? ‘Well, it depends.’, was the only honest answer I got at that time.
The question has been on my mind for a while. I guess I need to look at it. And yes, the answer is not easy and black and white. It depends.
It depends on what dream you have and how clear you are about your own accountability for achieving and living them.
I was thinking about examples that would make it easier. So let’s go for this one. If your dream is to provide your children with the best education, it’s OK. You can do everything you can to be able to do that and that makes you feel great if you have achieved it.
But what if your vision of the best education for your child doesn’t fit to their dreams? That’s when the test comes. The dream of being able to provide your child with the best education has been fulfilled for you at the moment you have really been able to open this option as a possibility. That’s when your child’s free choice comes to the play. She may go for it or not. If not, if her choice is different, how does it make you feel?
Another example may be even easier to understand. Let say that you wanted to be a dancer and for whatever reason you didn’t follow that dream. Now you want your daughter to be a dancer and you do everything to support her. And she is really good. You do it for her, right? Or not? What’s the real truth?
And one day your daughter comes with news that she hates all the dancing drill, she had been doing it to make you happy and now she knows she wants to become a vet. Bang!
So here is my answer. I believe that we have to respect our children’s natural potentials, personalities and passions and as parents do the best to prepare them to achieve their own dreams.
If we project our dreams and sometimes even our own lost aspirations onto our children and we make them responsible for fulfilling them; it’s not fair to them.
So all together the answer for me is yes, you can live your dream through your children if you keep your dreams to be yours, you don’t expect your kids to be accountable for them and also you let your kids to have their own dreams even if their dreams are far away from yours.
So, do you live your dreams through your children?
Yours, Karolina Maya
P.S. Find more about me at my newly launched FB page Career Alchemy For Women