Dear Lover

Dear Lover

Dear Lover

Dear lover, you came into my life as a wild river. You broke through the closed doors of my heart into my life.

Your waters felt dangerous to me; I sensed my own deep-seated fears of you but I stepped in anyway. It felt so surprisingly tempting. Yes, I had to face my fears. So I stepped in. I stayed for a while, swimming along, open to all my long suppressed feelings; and then I left you. I had to.

You came as a river and went through my space unexpectedly. You run in and I let my body bathing in your waters. I enjoyed it first, it felt so fresh and nurturing and I liked feeling you holding my body. I enjoyed diving into the depth of you, curious, excited, full of joy. And yet, deep inside I knew it was dangerous for me. I knew I could get lost in your waters, changing myself into what you wanted to have from me. Yes, I knew I could get lost my own soul. That’s what I felt since the first time I saw you coming.

So soon your waters became murky. My soul got flooded with dirt and mud that I didn’t see first. I was trying to stay in the fresh clean stream of you but I couldn’t. There was more and more mud showing up right in my face. I couldn’t swim anymore; my body felt tired, I was screaming inside. There were many sharp stones in you that I couldn’t see. They were hurting me. They hit me so many times and you didn’t even notice. I was trying catching my breath and keeping my head up to see the end; to see the bank where I could get out; to rest and turn my face towards the sun again. Yes, this river was not for me.

Dear lover, I wanted to say good-bye and wish you well before I got out and left you. And you didn’t even notice.

Dear lover, thank you.


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Love Your Name and Why is it So Important?

Love Your Name and Why is it So Important

I changed my name. Yes, Karolina Maya is a name I choose for myself just two months ago and I like it. I feel deeply connected with my name now. I feel the energy of my new name and I feel it’s really me.

Everything is energy. And that’s the truth for names as well.

I never felt connected with my previous name and I did not know why. There is nothing wrong with the name itself. I quite like it on someone else; not on me though.  But because I did not know anything else, I did not pay too much attention to these feelings. It just was what it was.

I’ve come across information about the importance of our names in the past. My natural curiosity led me to read books about meanings of our names, numerology of names and so on. It was always interesting but it never passed that line of being just an interesting topic for me. Until two months ago.

The week of my birthday I started to get strong messages to rebirth and to let go of my name. I did not understand for a while but decided to trust and follow my intuition and my subconscious mind.

And then I got it. Suddenly many things from the past started to make sense. Our family tragic story came to the surface. All dots got connected and I got the full picture.

I knew I was named after my dad’s brother who died in an accident in the military service when he was just 19. I knew I was born within a year after that happened. What I did not know was the powerful Vow that my dad made my mum to keep and name the first child after his dead brother. And the child was Me.

Now I understand that this family tragedy has never been healed. Now I understand why nobody ever spoke about my late uncle, why my dad could not stand any emotions, why he shut his emotions down. Now I understand why I leant so quickly not to cry in front of him and shut my own emotions down.

And more than everything else; now I understand why I always felt the urge to fight for the right to be me. Somewhere deep inside me was the deal that I was born with. The deal to replace someone. That deal took me away from my birth right to be me.

And so I let go of all the old attachments that I had because of that name. From now on I am me.

The learning that I want to share is the importance of the name. Yes, name is energy. Be sure that your name resonates with your soul and support you in what your heart is calling you to do. If it does not, feel free to make your own choice. Let go of the old and chose what is right for you. Do it for yourself!

Love your name! If you love your name, you love yourself. The choice is yours. Love yourself!

Karolina Maya