Dear Lover

Dear Lover

Dear Lover

Dear lover, you came into my life as a wild river. You broke through the closed doors of my heart into my life.

Your waters felt dangerous to me; I sensed my own deep-seated fears of you but I stepped in anyway. It felt so surprisingly tempting. Yes, I had to face my fears. So I stepped in. I stayed for a while, swimming along, open to all my long suppressed feelings; and then I left you. I had to.

You came as a river and went through my space unexpectedly. You run in and I let my body bathing in your waters. I enjoyed it first, it felt so fresh and nurturing and I liked feeling you holding my body. I enjoyed diving into the depth of you, curious, excited, full of joy. And yet, deep inside I knew it was dangerous for me. I knew I could get lost in your waters, changing myself into what you wanted to have from me. Yes, I knew I could get lost my own soul. That’s what I felt since the first time I saw you coming.

So soon your waters became murky. My soul got flooded with dirt and mud that I didn’t see first. I was trying to stay in the fresh clean stream of you but I couldn’t. There was more and more mud showing up right in my face. I couldn’t swim anymore; my body felt tired, I was screaming inside. There were many sharp stones in you that I couldn’t see. They were hurting me. They hit me so many times and you didn’t even notice. I was trying catching my breath and keeping my head up to see the end; to see the bank where I could get out; to rest and turn my face towards the sun again. Yes, this river was not for me.

Dear lover, I wanted to say good-bye and wish you well before I got out and left you. And you didn’t even notice.

Dear lover, thank you.

Karolina

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It’s a Valentine’s Day

It's a Valentine's Day

It’s a Valentine’s Day

What did I learn about Valentine’s Day?

Two years ago I was in a short and intense relationship. I met this guy before Christmas and by the end of February the romance was over. Yes, it was really short.

But I didn’t expect it to be short. It seemed to be very promising at the beginning. It looked like a deep serious relationship was to be developed. Well, it didn’t happen at the end and it’s all good.

Even though the relationship had been short I learned something about myself and about what I want. And I learned as well a lot about what I don’t want. The moment when I got the lesson of what I don’t’ want in my romantic relationship I walked away from this man. And I am grateful for that.

It’s a Valentine’s Day. It reminded me the same day two years ago when I was expecting to receive some kind of “I love you” message from that guy. I was thinking about it for the whole day. I remember the mixture of my feelings at that day. Excitement at the beginning, my expectation that after a long time without relationship this will be the first real Valentine day for me. I was awaiting expression of love or passion or at least some emotion towards me. Nothing. My expectation was replaced by disappointment and even anger. And by the end of the day when I already knew that nothing was going to happen I felt sad.

I called this guy the next day and asked him why he hasn’t done anything for the Valentine day. He said that I was the last person he would think to believe in Valentine! Gosh! It’s not about believing in Valentine or not, it’s about expressing love!

So here is my advice to all the guys out there. If you are in a relationship, doesn’t matter how long or short, deep or shallow, please, go out there and send your girl some flowers. Don’t guess or assume if she believes in Valentine’s Day or not. That’s not the point. And it’s not up to you to figure it out. Just get her flowers, chocolate, love note, whatever it is that you want to give her as an expression of your love.

Guess what? If she doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day and still receives your love message, the worst that can happen is that she will not appreciate it as you expected.  On the other hand if she does believe in Valentine’s Day and you don’t do anything; you have got it wrong. The message she will get is that you don’t care enough. Now, check with yourself what is the price for such risk.

Do you love her? Are you interested in her? Do you want to get closer to her? Send her your love message. It’s a Valentine’s Day.

Love to all of you,

Karolina Maya