Who Am I? – My Journey to Discover Self

Childlike Innocent Curiosity

It is great to be a woman. It is great to be a woman over 40. I find it awesome!

For the first time ever I feel I can really, truly and honestly be myself. Just be me, my real self! For the first time ever I feel free from any obligation to anyone else. I don’t need to fulfill anybody’s expectations from me, I don’t need to fit to anyone’s else beliefs of who I should or shouldn’t be, what I should or shouldn’t do and what I should or shouldn’t have. And of course I don’t even need to look like someone else wants me to look! (I wonder why my mum came into my mind when I think about this one? Oh well, Thanks mum!)

I had lived for too long time with unconscious obligation to be someone else. To replace someone who was lost too soon. For all that time I was fighting against it not even knowing what I was fighting against. Now I know the cause and I stopped fighting. I made a choice to go within and explore who I really am.

I really enjoy my inner journey to self discovery. Who Am I? I ask the question often and I wait for the answer openly.

Who Am I? “Curiosity” was the first answer I got. “An Innocent Curiosity”, said the voice again.

Wow! I am a curiosity! That’s awesome!

My mind goes back in time. Yes, I always was a curious child; I remember that. But I lost it somewhere!

The next memory that shows up in my mind is the voice saying: “Don’t be curious, you will get old too quickly!”
Well, it doesn’t make any sense to me now but it is quite a common saying, actually, a rhyme, in my own language and someone was saying that to me quite often. “Nebud zvedava, budes brzy stara!” Oh, it sounds scary for a child! Of course, it did sound scary to me as a child. I didn’t want to get old too soon! If curiosity makes me to get old, I better won’t be! Logic, isn’t it? And so as a child, I have shut down my natural curiosity, the natural flow of my source.

Who was it? Who was saying that to me? I hear the voice so clearly but I can’t recall whose voice is it.

It doesn’t matter anymore. I did get the learning that I needed. My core essence is an innocent curiosity and it is still there. It is still the natural Me even though I thought I lost it on the way. And it’s great! Childlike innocent curiosity, wow, I like it!

Oh gosh! I am so happy that I know now!

So I celebrate my curious nature, I embrace my curiosity as a life force, as a core of everything I am and everything I do.

I am an innocent curiosity, I am a seeker, I am an open minded being, I am courage, I am a wonder, I am a traveller, I am a student of life, I like to explore new things, places, knowledge, I like mysteries, I am curious!

Who Are You, amazing, wonderful, ladies?

With my heart wide open,

Karolina Maya

Peruvian Despacho Ceremony, Pachamama and My Book

Despacho ceremony in Sydney? Of course I am there!

I feel blessed I could have experienced this ancient Peruvian ceremony twice in Peru. During despacho ceremony, the shamans use rice, shells, lentils, red and white flowers, feathers, candies, grains, seeds and more to create a beautiful mandala as an offering to Pachamama, Mother Earth and Apus, the Mountain spirit. While creating the mandala, shamans prey for love, wisdom, joy, health, balance in our lives. All participants of the ceremony get three coca leaves, blow their prayers into them and add them to the offering.  When the mandala is completed, it is folded into a bundle and finally ceremonially burned.

Both times I experienced this ceremony in Peru, I felt very touched by the ancient wisdom,  that is powerfully simple. The energy of the ceremony was magic!

So here I am, in Sydney, going to Peruvian Despacho Ceremony. August 1st is the beginning of the year of Pachamama. The year of Mother Earth. It is the time to embrace feminine aspect in us. To connect with what is feminine, caring, cooperative, nurturing, loving. In all of us. Yes, even in you, guys!

The ceremony is beautiful, gentle, very feminine, same as Carmen, the Peruvian girl who is leading it. I simply love it again.

So what does have my book to do with it? Well, here is the story. My book “Peru, My Dream, My Love” is  sitting in Buddha laps in Be Still & Chill centre in Balgowlah. One day Carmen comes in. She wants to find a space for her healing and shamanic work. My heart that I’ve put into the book talked to her heart and so she knew she found the place. And so here I am, enjoying Peruvian Despacho ceremony in Sydney. And it makes me feel awesome!

Enjoy a year of Pachamama,

Karolina Maya